Performance and feedback are activities that cannot be improvised, whether they concern a coaching meeting, a one-to-one meeting or a “difficult conversation”.
In my entire career I have seen many good managers looking at this critical task as they were looking at something bad or as a loss of time. Is instead the highest point of a working relationship where you can “steer” the most complex part of our work: people. As leaders, we need to show our team that we care and that we are looking for what’s best for them. Our job is not only to achieve objectives but to support their success which could become our own one.
This is valid in any case, whether they are our best or our worst resources. Is clear that the two options are not identical: say that all is going well and will be quite easy, the story, instead, changes when you have to act on delivering feedback that may not be received as positive.
The most important rule is that you cannot simply “kill” the person in front of you: you have to balance some encouragement so to maintain the person not only active, but in a “recovery state”. These meetings can turn easily into uncomfortable discussions where slipping into a hard confrontation is very easy.
So where to approach the conversation from? Here are some tips to lay the foundation for a successful conversation.
Choose the right place
Is not a given that the conversation needs to happen in your office. We all experienced to have been in a feedback discussion and being continuously interrupted: find a place suitable for the conversation. If the conversation is more informal you can also choose unusual locations such as taking a walk outside, going to lunch, or going to a mutually neutral location.
Sometimes, is even worth moving to the employee’s place and do the conversation there if it provides enough privacy: will move the terrain in the other’s area of comfort easing the discussion. In any case if the conversation is serious and there’s not enough privacy, meeting in a conference room may be the most viable option. Remember that feedback of any improvement can be very personal to the one receiving it so the absence of other employees (peers or not) is a fundamental factor.
Once you are there, act like in a conversation so not to start in a prominent position, which may be used for other topics but not in a feedback discussion.
Be factual
Generic feedback is a no go, as it is a conversation without purpose.
If you want to succeed in transferring your thoughts you need to come prepared: think carefully about what you want to achieve in the conversation and what are the facts supporting your ideas. Feedback is part of a continuous observation peaking into this conversation.
Before you approach the discussion, ask yourself why you are taking the time to have this conversation. Why do you care about this person or why you need to have this discussion? Is very important because this will define the approach toward the discussion and, if correctly identified, will allow the person to be more receptive to your messages. Ideally your arguments should bring the other person to an “openness” toward solving a problem which is shared, rather than refusing it.
Not all employees are equal (in a certain sense)
We all know that people manifest different behaviours and approaches and hardly two are the same, especially if you go into complex discussions on “failures”. Which kind of person you have in front of you? How do you predict they will react?
What is the best approach to convey your messages and ideas? How do you avoid confrontation?
Feedback requires a personalised planning and, as said needs to be tailored on specific facts not on the person. Failing to do so, will shift the discussion to a much more slippery terrain which is the one of beliefs and personal behaviours which, from time to time, happens to be touched but is very hard to be handled.
Timing counts
Feedback like some spirits requires time to be good and needs to be sipped at the right moment: I would say that burger and cognac are not exactly a good pairing for lunch, but one at lunch and the other after dinner can make life more tasty.
Wrong timing can make the feedback meeting useless and frustrating. Make sure you both have enough time to discuss the topic and that there are no distractions that could limit the discussion. Is very important because you may need time to address a difficult conversation and is mandatory that you don’t stop it.
Make it happen
During the discussion, focus on the person you have in front and the topics you identified. Is very un polite to be interrupted and de focus both you and the employee, so avoid looking at your “terminals” to the outside world: no mobile, no mail, no visits. And pretend the same from the other.
You need all this concentration because you need to pay respective attention to the very relevant topics that need to be discussed. Listening is a critical skill for both of you and relevant positions, ideas and topics needs to be part of your mental (or physical) notes. The more you both capture in the discussion, the more the feedback is valuable.
In giving feedback you may want to be clear enough not to be misunderstood but avoiding to make the person perceive you are attacking: is a complex art that only time and experience perfect. If you manage, keep the conversation more on the level of a discussion so that they will also open up to talk about their needs and opinions: one way discussion brings very small results.
